Saturday, October 29, 2011

Goodbye Oxycontin

I haven't posted in a few days as things got a little sketchy.  I started my stretching and muscle-rebuilding exercises here at home two days ago, and I gotta say it's SLOOOW going.  I don't know who these people are that I see in youtube videos but clearly they are either holographs or mutants, because 5 inches off the floor and (even with proper breathing techniques and complete structure support for my other leg) I was ready to pass out from the pain.  I did manage to finish the ones I was supposed to do, but I have some SERIOUS doubts about being able to bend my leg to 90 degrees by my post-op on Monday.  I have a feeling that the recommendation is for those who haven't had meniscus repair because I was having flashes of memory (or maybe just wishful thinking) that the nurses did tell me COMPLETE bed rest till the post-op and then the surgeon would update me on what I had to do next.

So other than the exercise bit (which I definitely paid for later), yesterday was my last day on the Oxycontin.  I took my last dose at 10am and bit the proverbial bullet as I went through my usual invalid routine for the day, waiting for that last dose to wear off.  After I did my exercises yesterday afternoon, once the 2pm meds took effect, I laid down and passed out fell asleep until my 6pm dose was due.  Unfortunately for them, my inlaws came by to say hello about 15 minutes after I took my 6pm dose and I was... shall we say a little less than social.  I was tired, sore, and that two hour period from the hour before to the hour after I take my scheduled doses, I am not a peach to be around.  So of course I tried to keep my sh*t together till they left... and boy was I glad I did...

As soon as the front door closed, I pretty much lost all control.

There is something profound that happens to a person when they are tested over long periods of time.  When their pain threshold is tested, their patience, their humility, their independence, their attention span... everyone has their limits and at times the only thing you can do is reach that breaking point and accept that you just need to get it over with and BREAK.

I have a pretty high pain threshold, and there's a lot I can take.  But stack on top of that the effects of medications that make you feel like you have no control of your body at all, an injury that demands you remain in one position and one position ONLY for whoknowshowlong, a digestive system that is completely shot because of the poison meds you need to take, chronic exhaustion from never really getting restful sleep for several days in a row, and the growing sensation of itching and odd new pains cropping up in, around and near all the places they worked on your injury, and the muscle spasms that happen increasingly as your muscles begin to repair themselves and as the graft screwed into your bone begins to heal... if sitting here bawling my eyes out until I almost vomited is the worst that happens when I reach that point, I'll take it.  Gladly.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself break.

So fast forward to Zero Hour.
10pm on October 28
When the pain resets, and I really get to feel what the Oxycontin has been hiding from me. 

Usually my pain starts to rear it's horrible head about an hour or so before my next round is due.  So at about nine-ish last night I made sure to distract myself with lots of thing on the laptop so I wouldn't notice quite so much.  It actually worked pretty well, despite the usual dull ache that never seems to really completely go away.  Then around 10:20 I started feeling different areas of my body clearing up from the Oxycontin leaving my system.  I won't run a list of all of them, but believe me I was VERY surprised how much was in pain and I never knew it.  Thankfully, I am still on the Percocet, and that I also take at 10pm, so what I was feeling was through that as well.  Most of what I was feeling was aches and pains from areas related to being bed-bound; from laying around so much, from hoisting myself up with my arms, from walking on one leg with crutches, etc.

I'm happy to say that I've now missed two doses of the Oxycontin and I think it's safe to say it's finally completely out of my system.  I'm pretty achy today, in a LOT of places I wasn't yesterday but at least I don't have to feel that cloudy feeling or worry about becoming addicted and having to suffer the pain of withdrawal.

In other news, earlier today I thought I'd be brave and check out my incision sites.  Well I'll save you the suspense, I got one look at some bloody gauze and felt the gauze sticking to one of the staples and totally lost my nerve.  I put the surgical sock back up on my leg and then put the brace back on and huddled back in the corner of the bed where I belong.  I can watch all the medical shows I want but seeing that kind of thing on myself is a whole different story.  Guess I'm just a big baby like everybody else after all haha ;)

Anyway, so that's what's been up the last couple days.  I go for my 1 week post-op on Monday where the surgeon is supposed to tell me about physio, and the rest of the hard stuff that I can expect for the next several months.

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